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Jerks or Junks? |
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I'm wondering is there no more decent guys around anymore or is it just me that i cant trust guys anymore? All the guys that i met are really out to have fun. No one seems to be truthful anymore. NO ONE! Regardless is it a man or woman, no one is trust worthy anymore. Dont get me wrong. I'm not saying that my gang of gfs are not trustworthy, I'm just refering to the majority people out there. Let me just relate this few short examples. Example 1, there is this bar tender that i got to know. Well, he looks like Ben. Anyway, he's quite a decent chap, or i thought so. But in the end, he's just out to hump the girls with big boots. I almost ended up being one of the victim. Luckily, i managed to sober up. But still i wonder how many stupid girls fallen into his trap. Example 2, I knew this guy for nearing 3 yrs, we have been flirting forever. Once, he confessed his feelings for me. However, i was attached so i rejected him. Then he kept his distance. Recently he came back to me. During the time that we flirt with each other, i realised he's been flirting with other gers as well. On fri night, he told me that he was the one taken advantage of and he will only take the initiative to hug gers whom he like. And he hug me. Faint!!! In the end, i heard that he's attached. Again, another jerk. Example 3, I've this best xiao lao gong. We are attached to each other emotionally n physically. And we understand each other needs. We had an affair when i was single and him, attached. I'm not trying to say that he's bad. He's a fantastic gentleman. But, he just cant me out of his life. So...... I seriously dont understand what is happening to the world. Is there really no more monotony? No more fateful relationship? I just cant help it but wonder why do i keep meeting guys that can no longer be trusted? Not only guys but even gers as well. Example 1, my gf, born on the same day as me. Well. She has tonnes of affairs even when she was attached in the past. Now she's with the guy that she loved most. I wonder will she remained as fateful as she will be. Example 2, this ger i got to know at dbl o. She's attached to a guy whom i know of. But whenever, she's at dbl o without her bf, I will be able to see her with other guys kissing, flirting, dancing, etc.... Best part was when i want to dance with her, she will reject me and dance with a bunch of guys she dont know at all. Is she really that attention seeking? Well.. For me, i dont even know if i myself is trustworthy anymore. What a joke! But seriously i cant trust myself anymore. For one reason, I dont know what i want in a relationship anymore. In the past, i know what i want cos i assume it is what other guys can offer me with. But as time passed by, i started to realise that alot of things are not what it seems to be. In fact, its so much more complicated then it is suppose to be. How comforting is that! (Apologize for my sarcasm, just cant help it.) I'm startin to be afraid of this world. Starting to get disappointed. Starting to lose hope. Initially, was still thinking of getting married on the 12/12/12 but for now, i dont think this will ever happen anymore. At this very moment, there is a very big ache in my heart. Something that i cant explain. The nearest description to it is a feeling of great disappointment. Do i really have to leave with all the jerks around me or the junks around me? Hopefully, i cant just get out of it. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 11:28 PM |
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Love??? |
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Seriously, sometimes i think i'm such a bimbo.. Dont even know if i'm considered as a bimbo. At least for a bimbo, they have the figure. I dont. Make it simple, I'm such a brainless ger. I always think that i'm so smart, so intelligent that i can play ard with guys. Now, i'm the one ended up been played ard. How the hell am i goin to get out of this whole situation that i've land myself in for the past few years? Till now i still cant forget him. I thought i can survive thru it. But in the end, he will still come back and haunt me. This has last for the last few nights. I cant slp well at all. Until i got so moody n emotional that i send him some super duper emotional sms. 'GOD DAMN IT!' will be what i will say. I'm so damn irritated. How is it that i'm havin someone who treat me so well yet i'm thinkin of someone else? Sometimes, think of it i'm being such a bitch. There are so many guys out there who wans to have a piece of me, or rather to have me. But yet i'm throwing myself to someone who dont need me at all. Not only so, but i've to sell myself for it in order to get what i want. 'FULL OF SHIT' I cant believe i'm so out of control over this matter. Where did all my persistence went to? Where did all my pride went to? Down the drain??? Possible? Or even vanish to thin air. Who will know? I myself dont even know what happen how am i goin to expect others to know about it? Anyway what i've done is done. I'm dated back to 3 yrs ago when i proposed for a deal which he refuse. Now i'm doin it once again bcos that is the only way to keep him by my side and not put any emotions to it. He may disagree with me again. But i will try all ways and means. Think i own him all these my previous life. That's why i'm stuck with him forever. Even if one day we get married and my groom is not him, his bride is not me, we will still have this thing between us. I assume so... Well that is for the future to decide. Who knows mayb one day i come across a guy whom i really love alot. When he manage to revive my heart and my love, then it will be time that i will let go of him. If not just let me held onto him dearly till den. As i'm not sure how i will be like without him. I dont know how i will feel, or how i will be able to live my usual self again. I knw what i m goin to do is ridiculous. But trust me, i believe what i do is the best way. Cos sometime last wk, i almost ended up in bed with someone that looks so like him, even the way they behave are so similar. Luckily, i manage to stop everything b4 it happens. Otherwise, i will feel no diff from a whore. I cant go on like this anymore. I seriously need to do something abt it. Otherwise this situation will happen again n again. 'God Help Me!' So in conclusion, I cant run away even if i tried, subconciously i knw who i want and what i want. There is absolutely no way for me to run. Tried running away before but ended up gettin more bumps. Think the best way is to solve it is to juz be brave and face it. 'COME WHAT MAY!' |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 1:20 PM |