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yo... its like 5:16 in the morning. n i'm here updating my blog. wats happening to me man? i cant seem to slp for the past few wks. think i'm getting insomia... starting to get the hang of bloggin. its like i juz wana write watever i feel in here, though not many ppl will visit this site. finally manage to really slack at home for quite awhile yesterday. stay at home all the way till 6 den went out. suppose to be goin to wk but in the end i forgotten to bring my hp. i lied to jimmy that i'm having high fever so that i dun need to go to wk. in the end i went out with panda to watch 'the maid' at cineleisure. after gettin the tickets we went to the foodcourt n guess wat, we met benny n his frien there. after we sat down jess called me and asked me to turn ard. n there she was, with pris. having dinner as well. so coincident. so after having dinner we went for the movie and den for coffee at coffee bean with pris n jess n russell. during the coffee session there's a guy who wans to meet up with jess n go clubbin with her. she's so excited abt meetin the guy but when the guy turns up jess actually switch her hp to slient mode so that the guy wont b able to contact her. knw y she did that? cos the guy looks nerd. i cant believe it. she actually did that. its like so morally unright (panda's phrase). leaving the poor guy alone wondering ard coffee bean, holding the phone, keep dialing jess's no. so poor thing. i dun really like it. i mean how can she do that. she's the one who is willing to meet that guy in the 1st place n den bcos of his looks she left him there wondering abt. i mean try to be kind la. at least meet up with him den if really dun wan to club with that guy den find some other excuses lo. dun be so mean. wat if she's the guy? n she's bein played out? how will she feel? i believe she wont feel good either. hai... wat can i say man? they are like this. anyway after that jess n pris went cheekys, russell, panda n i went over to russell's place n den to 'rush'... a place where they plays techno music. i got damn bloody bored. its like for that 1 1/2 hrs, i'm practically standing at the side for like at least an hr. its like so damn boring. i really duno how to dance at all. but i enjoy seeing the ppl dance there. its like everyone are standing in front of the mirror to dance. y muz they do that? its so funny. the most enjoyable thing is seeing panda dance. i like the way he dance. he's the 1st guy that i really like his way/ style of dancing. not those type of ah beng dance. i duno how to explain it. i'm juz aware that i like it since the 1st time i saw him dance at devils with xiao hu. tts all, other den that there's nth much at rush. damn boring. oh ya n i saw a ger who's my junior at sembawang. ah lian la. gav me that kind of look when i ask her if she's frm sembawang. dun really like her. remember her cos she used to pick on me during sec days. shit her... -_-''' anyway that was the past. juz end work tdy. had supper with this 2 nice guys whom i juz got to knw at wk earlier on. chatted with them. drink with them. played cards with them. one of them is kenneth, dylene's frien, n the other one is knwn as jefferson who is kenneth's pri sch mate. we chatted practically everything from work to red wine throughout the whole nite and actually wanted to go clubbin after my wk but all of us started to get tired at abt 1am, so we dismissed the idea. went to thomson n hav supper instead. had banana prata. n they had mee goreng and bee hoon goreng. try it n it taste quite nice. at least better than the banana prata. after that kenneth send me home. think will be seeing them next wk. kenneth bringin one of his frien who's coming over to sg for a holiday i think, to xchange next wk end. so believe will hav to drink quite abit that nite. heard frm kenneth abt his friens who're damn rich. somehow feel that its not fair. ppl are out there enjoying themselves, and here i'm wking my head off juz to make sure that i've enough to spend. wat the fuck!!! juz dun like the idea of it. but still i've to live with it. this is life. anyway earlier on, had quite a couple of customers came without informing me. n open a total of 4 bottles. imagine if they were to inform me. i'll be earning like $40 of commission. hai... all of them still thinking that i'm resting at home bcos somehow they were informed that i were having high fever yesterday. wat a waste. but its ok la. at least i've 2 LDs, 4 jugs of beer n a $20 tip from a customer who keep making me drink. haha... not too bad. but i believe there's more to come next wk. finallly start to feel slpy. heard the 1st train. ............. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 5:15 AM |
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i juz started this blog thingi. wonder will i stay long in here to update my post frequently. hai... abit harsh on the welcoming msg ya. but i believe thats how i feel. i think n believe that this blog aka diary should not be seen by others, others as in ppl that i dun knw. rather it shld only be display to ppl who are close to me. ppl who are involved in my life directly n indirectly. cos how my feelings and thoughts will affect them as well as myself. so this is where the blog comes into place, it helps me in making many things known to them without me telling them straight at their face. thus reducin the amt of 'friction'. hahaha... anyway i'm suppose to write how i feel n wat is happening not to crap rite??? haha... well... being very busy recently. didnt manage to get sufficient slp. eye bags are getting darker n darker as days go by. think will need to slp for at least 7 days 7 nites in order to replenish the amt of slp that i lack. losing slp is one thing, getting mood swing is another issue. hav been having very frequent mood swings recently. n this actually start to affect the ppl ard me. even my mum as well. havent been talkin to her nicely. do feel guilty. but its juz me. i duno y but i tend to treat the ppl i treasure most very badly. i think i expect them to giv in to me ba, thats y i tend to take them for granted. this also apply for my bf. its not that i wanted this to happen. but it juz happen very naturally. i'm so used to having things my way although i knw that in reality this will not happen. BUT i'm JUS SO USED TO IT. hai... early this morning had another quarrel. n i threw my hp aside. didnt knw that he called or rather i do not wan to listen to it. n when i woke up later in the morning i saw the msg he send, we were actually toking abt breaking up. mayb its really my fault. mayb i'm too demanding. mayb i'm juz too involved that i wanted him all for myself 24/7. n when i dun get that i will wan to hav him in other ways. but mayb having him in other ways may means being too demanding ba. but is it really that much? is it really that demanding? seriously, this whole thing sucks. i hate it this way. really start to think that i'm really not suitable for a relationship. i wanted it. but it really hurt at times. dun think will be able to take the hurt again. i knw that it hurts, still, i allow myself to get involved. m told that i'm not stupid, only when it comes into relationship, i'm such an terrible idiot and a hopeless ass (juz as wat i mention in friendster) frankly speaking when i decide to get into this relationship i'm prepared to get hurt but i didnt expect to get hurt so easily. will only get hurt when i'm too involved. which its not wat i suppose to b doing. think i really fall for this guy le. really love him le. tts y i'm starting to get hurt so easily. wat the fuck... hopefully that this will last provided that we will come to a conclusion that we will carry on with this relationship. i really treasure it but i duno will he. anyway hav being quite pack with work, studies n him. exams coming soon. start on the 9/9 n end on the 15/9. after that will hav to start my attachment le. heard that my attachment is at holiday tours which is located behind heeren. quite a good location, able to shop after wk. haha. initially, hated the idea of attachment but now started to like it after hearing the company which i'm attach to n the pay that they are giving. 700 per mth. an addition of 200 compare to the normal 500 which others are getting. but the worrying thing is that they mayb considering having 1 lesser student attach to them. n i mayb the one who will b kick out of this attachment. so its still not cfm yet. will only b cfm on the 1/9. hopefully i'll be attach to this company with a 700 pay n a 5day work. that will be nice. so broke now. hav been spending lots of money recently. get my pay every 2 wks. each time my pay will be at least 500. n i'm able to finish it within a wk on ... i oso duno wat i spend on myself. wat a horrible creature i'm. ahhhh... another 10 more days to go b4 i get my pay. shit... feel damn broke now. hai..... how the hell do you differentiate ego n want??? when the want is so strong it doesnt mean that its ego. its how you look at it. do miss you alot juz wana get closer so stop interpreting it in another way. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 12:49 PM |