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haha... now i'm laughin at myself. there was once when wen told me that its not good to love someone as we will feel suffocated. one moment we can be very happy. if lets say the other party juz go missin the next moment u'll b damn anxious. anxious if anything has happen to him, or who knws he may juz walk out on u without u knwing the reason y. haha... at that pt of time, i was so blinded by my happiness in front of me that i didnt really notice it, as in notice or fully understand wat she means. i dun mind that i'm gona get suffocated with the fact (the one i chose to believe in) that some mishap have happen. but now i'm afraid of the fact that i'm gona get suffocated with the fact that he may walk out on me. or worst get involve in sth else that i'm nt suppose to knw. seriously now i feel so suffocated n confused. i duno wat i'm suppose to do anymore. haha...to stick to it or jus end it? its like he's giving me roller coaster ride lo. keep givin me different attitude. one moment can b so sweet n nice. next moment will be a different person le. i mean once in awhile i dun mind having a roller coaster ride. but not too often. cos when u're taking it too often u'll start to get nausause. den will start to puke. soon after u puke, u will wan to put a stop to it. now i'm at the stage of nausause. if he dun stop it. i'm goin to puke soon. den soon i'll put an end to it. hai... thinking back i think i'm still not ready for relationship yet ba. i love the sweetness of it. but i duno how m i suppose to go abt it lo. haha... somehow i think i'm such a failure. haha. think being single mayb one of the best way to survive peacefully. to love is to suffer. to be love is den the one that feels happiness. haha.... if given a situation for me to chose to be love or to love. i rather go for the to be love. tired of loving le. i rather b the one to be love cos at least i knw i wont get hurt. haha... horrible rite? haha... but think sometimes living in this world we all hav to be abit self centered lo. i'm not so good n kind hearted to the extend that i put every one in front of me 1st. i may spare a thought for the ppl that i love. but when things really concern myself i think i'll put myself 1st lo. haha.... well! at least i'm trueful. i dun lie to others. there're juz some others who say that they are being nice n considerate for others. but they are not. haha... this ppl are those who are truely horrible n scary. they are the ones who we are to be truely afraid of. how i wish i can b one of those ppl? i try to be like them. but so much to my disppointment. i cant. haha... i feel that if i were to be like them. i wont b able to face the inner self of me. n its so against my self concious. haha.... anyway ltr meetin grace n lichen for dinner at boat quay. den mayb goin to devils. hehe... juz drop by for awhile ba. being quite awhile since i go clubbin. wats more devils i dun hav to pay cover so ok la. den tml is KTV session. hehe... cant wait for it. haha.... jus cant wait man... oh ya den i receive a shockin news. i'm suppose to go for a India Biz trip. Hai.... on my BITHDAY... wtf..... for 8 days ... wa lau.. waited for 20yrs b4 i got my bday that falls on a public holiday. den now like that. hai... cannot believe it. but its good also la. cos when i go over everything will be paid for. so i wont spend a single cent. hehe.... den when i come back my pay day is coming. den soon flying to hong kong le.. haha..... juz cant wait lo. haha..... anyway thinking if i shld get a luggage. hai.... cos i will need it for the india trip n all other trips in the future. but den again my hse got a few luggage. but its not the ideal size that i wan lo... hai... how ah? |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 9:53 AM |
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.......... i duno wats happening to me... i feel damn horrible now lo... not as in really horrible. but its juz that i cant feel anything tts y i think i feel horrible. its like all of a sudden all the emotions within no longer exist lo. juz feel like a living zombie lo... no feelings at all.... some of u may think that its bcos of him. but no its not... he didnt ill treat me at all.. its jus a very personal ting. i duno y. haha... den tis morning, i somehow had a quarrel with my mum. n i shouted at her.. its being ages since i last shouted at her. but i juz did it this moring. i've being feelin like this since yesterday. it was like he called me yesterday at nite n usually we will chat till late at nite. but yesterday i seriously wasnt in the mood that i juz wanted to hang up asap. so i told him that i wanted to go to bed le. which i did immediately. haha.... kind of feel bad. but its like i think i'm seriously having mood swing lo.... haha... mayb its bcos i think he somehow did affect my mood as well.. supposingly we're to meet on sat after my wk. but i cant contact him at all when i was abt to off wk. den after that he msg me sayin that he left his hp at home n he was out to deliver sth to his grandma's place. i mean i accept his reason but still i start to feel irritated. den we hang up. after that i called jess. den she asked me to calm dwn. after awhile i was ok le. so i called him if he still wanted to meet up. if not i think i'll b goin dwn to dbl o to meet candy n others le. he asked me to giv him till 8 to decide. den ok lo... i'll giv him till 8 so meanwhile i went to the library to take a nap.1st time lo.... haha... slpin in the library. anyway after that we didnt meet up cos somethings crop up at his place. so i went home. slpt quite early that nite la... was freaking tired. den sun afternoon he called. den we said sth like he will msg me to see abt nites program. i was eagerly waiting for it cos i'll get to see him again. but in the end he told me was abt tml, which is tdy. hai... was kind of upset by it la... anyway frm then on i started to get moody le... haha.... haiyo... i duno wats happening la... anyway i'm glad that i've him. but the thing is that i duno if he's the right one. i'm afraid that he's not. den once again both of us will get hurt. i'm so afraid lo... i'm afraid that i'll get hurt. n he too... but den again if we dun try out we will never knw lo... hai... well... i think i'll juz need to take it slow n easy. den juz wait n see lo. haha.... seriously speakin if it doesnt work out den i'll juz treat it as a time being kind part time thingi. if it does wrk out. den its will be a good news lo. seriously the sound of him does make me feel lucky, as in the way he talks to me lo.. haha... makes me feel that i'm being sooooooo doted. haha... feel so lucky. but sometimes mayb he's juz not sensitive enough lo. or is it bcos of the guys that i've seen. i tend to be suspicious easily. i'm seriously afraid that mayb its cos of my over sensitivity that may cos this relationship to end up miserably. i dun wan that to happen. so i'll try to control. keep psychoing myself that i'm juz thinkin too much. haha.... i duno whether its a good thing. but i think its the best way ba... haha.... hai...... i duno wats goin on la... i'm like seriously blocking myself out of my own surrounding lo. indulgin myself into my very personal world that only me, myself exits n no one else... mayb this is wat mood swing is really abt. anyone who trys to step inside this world will be bomb by me, the internal me..... hehe... hai... anyway juz cant wait for the wk to end. cos sat goin to meet mich n others for KTV session. i duno if he's goin to join me. but of cos if he's goin it will definitely be great. but if he's not, well den i'll enjoy myself with the rest. den monday will b a holiday.. haha... juz cant wait for it to come man.. hehe... gona enjoy it man. haha..... i think so far thats the only that i'm lookin forward to ba..... hehe... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 10:05 AM |
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ok i'm suppose to post up the photos that was taken early last mth durin the KTV session. hehe.... but i've forgotten to bring my thumbdrive. err.... so we delay abit hor...hehe... anyway recently things hav being goin very smoothly. in fact its more den juz smoothly, everything that happen to me was fantastic lo. haha.... i've got the new love in my life. a guy by the nick of MANGO!!!! haha... mango... wat a funny nick name. anyway i dun call him mango. but mango is our lingo. he's my dear. well!!! got to knw him thru Norman. a clubbin friend. den once i met Norman at boat quay for a drink at 'wind', a KTV pub. that was the nite that i got to knw mango. hehe... well!! the 1st thin that attracted me to him was his eyes. pretty girlie eyes with long eye lashes. haha... den the next thin that attracted me was his voice n his friendliness. we played 5 10. den he kept losing to me. in the end we went to play pool den i lost to him. n owe him 2 forfeit. haha... ended up giving him a peck on his cheeks and on his mouth as a forfeit. haha... den i wanted to play another game but by den the pub close le. so he said he owe me one game. after that he took my no. den i'm suppose to leave for devils to meet francis they all there. in the end he ended up accompanying me there to play pool. we juz hang out at the 1st floor, the pool area cos he dun like to club. so i stay there to accompany him. after awhile we went off le. den the next day we arrange to meet again to play pool at hougang. playin pool which include forfeit. initially i won 4 rounds. so he owe me 4 forfeits. but after that when the area starts to play R&B music, thats it. everything gone le. i start to lose like mad. den in the end i owe him 6 forfeits.... ARGH!!! at that point of time feel so idiot. haiyo... i was at the upper hand lo. den within moments i lost everything n i still owe him lo... anyway i tot he kind of dislike me at that time la. who knws he started to msg me n frm there we started to chat n slowly we got on frm there lo.. hehe... we hav only being together for a couple of days. but its like i feel that being single for so long is worth it lo. juz for him lo. haha. never in my life, i feel so doted n spoilt b4 lo.. NEVER. i didnt knw that i can also feel this way n i'll get to experience it as well. he really dotes me like mad lo. the best thing is we can communicate very well with one another. watever he like he will tell me. if he dun like it he'll also tell me lo.... den wherever we go ah, sure take cab wan. haha.. its like he's so damn rich that he can afford that lo. i think juz for a nite ah we spend abt nearing $100 juz on cab fare alone lo. imagine, frm his camp to sengkang, during peak hrs, abt $10, to meet me. den frm sengkang to his place to leave his stuff, $5. den frm his place to tampines, $10, to watch movie, tampines to yishun,$18, go back my place, yishun to chinatown, $20, send me to work, chinatown to sengkang, $14, him goin home, sengkang to back to his camp, $10. den after that at nite he's goin to meet me again, he cfm take cab again wan lo. cfm plus gurantee chop. take cab back to his place den after that meet me at my place. another like $20... he dun take public transport wan lo... since the day that i knw him he has being takin public transport only lo. until once when i ask him to take bus with me den he complain.... hai..... cannot stand him. another spoilt kid. ok la. his family is kind of well off. goin to move to a terrace house soon at aljunied. where it is even further away frm my place lo. next time the cab fare will be even worst lo. hai.... anyway its ok la. haha... den the best thing is he knws how to cook n do hse work. hehe. so next time he can help me do hse work le. haha..... hai.... but den i'm so afraid that once i get too deep into this relationship den if anything happens i'll be heart broken again. well!!! i'll try to minize my part of bein the one who caused any unhappiness. i'll cut dwn on my clubbin le. suppose to go next sat but decide to cancel le. cos he dun really to club. i dun wan to go clubbin when i knw my bf is somewhere out there waiting for me. if i'm attach i wan my bf to go clubbin with me. but he dislike that kind of place. he prefers to go to ktv pub. so i believe next time the usual hangout will be ktv pub instead ba. hehe.... well!!!! being in a relationship really change someone. haha... wen complained that i'm being very irrational. mic says that i kept promoting him when she haven even got the chance to meet him yet. haha.... n everyday u'll at least hav something to look forward for. its very different lo. its like he purposely took half day off today so he can come out yesterday nite juz to meet me n accompany me cos he wasnt given any nite off last nite. its like so sweet lo. hehe.... the best thing was he used to go dwn to 'wind' every wkend. now he stop le. hehe... den he'll keep me accompany like playing mahjong or watch movic instead of goin to that kind of places. he wans to stop that totally as in no more. but i forbids it cos i knw tts like one of the places where his frien will be there. i wan him to enjoy himself as well. so i'll go with him like every once a mth or fortnightly. hehe.... den he will accompany me when i'm meetin the whole gang, n my other friends as well... hehe.... so its kind of quite fair lo. hehe.not as if its a one side thing. WOW!!! i seriously cant believe this is happenin to me lo. haha.... i juz feel so lucky lo.. cannot help it.. but keep feelin so. den bcos of me he's gona quit smokin. haha.... tt's so sweet. but this kind of thing duno will last how long lo... haha... we will juz wait n see lo.... anyway got to go for lunch le.... hehe.... gona go. wen can u arrange the meetin up ktv session on 29april. 2pm at orchard. u go gather everyone k?? hehe.... thanx alot.... den u let me knw who goin or not lo. hehe... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 10:50 AM |
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its another boring day again. suppose to meet nemo tdy. but then he was bein summon back to camp tonite. so our date is cancel. anyway had a wonderful weekend. tot i'll b having a very boring fri n sat but in the end i ended chatin away with mich n wen on msn the whole day. had lots of fun on msn.... hahaa..... kept laughin non stop... look like an idiot laughin at the com screen. after that on sat after wrk, meet up with jessica. went to Plaza sing for a movie. watch tristan and isolde. quite a nice show. almost freeze to death inside the theater. after that we went to bugis to get some clothes. bought a black top, a pair of earing and a belt. haha... jess got a halter juz to club. anyway make a last min decision to go to dbl o to play pool. den we had dinner at my ex workin place. Nihon su. one of the boss, simon was nice enough to offer me n jess jap beer. but we dun really like beer so we secretly pour it away. haha... very bad hor. haha... anyway after that went to dbl o, den wesley joined us. haha...was dancing away. den was suppose to stop drinkin. den wesley was telling me that i owe him one waterfall... wat the hell..... den no choice lo.. have to return it to him. so i drank. hai.... anyway after that we were dancing away. den jess saw this malay guy who was in her opinion quite cute. but to me he's........ anyway i manage to get him to dance with us. den i intro him to jess. den i dance with wesley. haha.... oh ya... anyway i think i somehow embarrass jess lo. cos from wat i heard frm jess is that that guy wanted to dance with me. but i push him to jess n dance with wesley. den he has no choice but to dance with jess. den after awhile he left. haha... so funny..... den a couple of guys wanted to dance with me as well.. but i chose to dance with wesley. haha.... anyway that nite jess left early. leavin me n wesley alone. den he send me back. that nite was one of the most memorable nite. got to knw wesley better. haha.... anyway its juz a flirt, fling kind of thing la... to me now nth can be consider as serious, when it comes into relationship kind of stuffs. haha... enjoying my dancing again. hai......................... I'm so bored... haha.... its like i've nth to do now. haven got my own destination to play on. den all my other colleagues goin overseas for the Fam grp. which means they can go overseas trip for free lo... hai.... i wan to go also. ARGH............ hai... den my colleague juz came back frm bangkok. n she bought alot of things lo. hai.. i also wan to go. imagine the exchange rate it S$1 = 23 baht. den almost all the things she got is like 199 baht that kind lo. so imagine how cheap the things are. hai..... i wan to go bangkok.. hehe......mich can we go bangkok instead of hongkong hehe... hai... i'm so bored..... i wan to hav fun... i wan to play ard... argh... but i cant affort to do that. wat m i suppose to do. i think i'm freaking contradicting lo. how ah???? ARGH............. can i be more simple minded.... oh my god........... arghhhhhhh.................. hai... BOSS CAN GIV ME MORE WORK TO DO SO I WONT KEEP THINKIN?????? |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 1:37 PM |
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here i'm siting in the office, in front of the pc, typing away. haha... its another boring thu. my boss is not ard n all my colleagues are busy with their own stuff. even my chitchating kaki, sherry, my sis is busy.busy checkin in at Changi Airport. goin to Bangkok for a short holiday. hai... leaving me alone here in the office to die away slowly. hehe.... juz cant wait for lunch time n den 6 so i can go home n watch my da chang jin. den tml its fri le. after wrk has to meet my mum's client for awhile den after that if time permits i wana go PS to buy a satin pants that i try out at far east 'xotic'. hehe... its quite expensive la. but i like it alot. can buy le den wear it to work n mayb even to hongkong cos it will be cooling enough n nice enough for shopping trips or even for clubbin needs. hehe.... seriously now the only few things that i'm lookin forward for will be my this sat cos mayb goin for steamboat with my brother's friend, den good fri which is next week can rest well. den 1 1/2 wks ltr will be pay day. den on that sat i'll hav to go dbl o. after that will be labor day den my bday le. hehe... after my bday will be goin for my TP on the 29th, hopefully i will pass... will keep prayin. den will be june le. by then will be busy arranging for the hong kong trip. thinking of arranging it on the last wk of june. like goin off on the 29th june (thu) den come back on the 2nd june (Sun). so will need to take like 3 days off.or else is go on the 1st june (sat) take the afternoon flight (rush down frm wk) den come back on the 3rd(mon) nite or 4th(tue) morning. so will take 2 days off. hehe... i seriously cant wait for it lo. hehe... cant wait to go overseas with my gang. hehe.... 1st time traveling together. WOW!!! i think it will be damn fun lo. can shop together, go disney land, watch movie, explore the clubbing sites(although i dun think whole gang will like that idea, but i'll still go alone if left with no choice cos the last time i was there i've to go back early cos hav to wake up early the next morning as its a sch trip. so this time will hav more time to enjoy more. hehe....) intend to change like 700sin. so if i were to take the exchange rate of 1=4.5 den i'll be bringing 3150 hkd over. cos the previous time i was there i spend like 500 sin on shoppin only lo... hehe.... den 300 on air tickets. so will spend abt 1000. den if there are more den 3 or us goin. den will need to get hotel rooms. abt 200 sin ba. so total will spend abt 1200 sin. hehe. ok la. less den my one mth pay. so shld b ok. can survive after that. hehe. cos i'm those type who dun save money wan. hehe.... den if only 2 or 3 of us goin. den can stay at my uncles place. save the lodggin money. hehe. den we wil hav another addtional 200 to spend. hehe... although we will hav lesser freedom la. but for money sake. hehe.... i mean depends on u guys la. if prefer to stay in hotel we stay there lo. but hav to look for hotels that muz be real cheap lo. no need those 5 star wan la hor. juz any 3 star hotel is good enough rite? hehe.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ anyway after spendin the whole afternoon looking for the hotel rates. i've a couple of hotels in mind. hav done up a comparison chart, will send to u guys when i got a chance to see u online k. hehe... anyway its 5 plus. goin to off wk soon le. cant wait to go home to watch my DVD... hehe..... hehe..... anyway this afternoon i had arrange 2 appointments. one on mon to hav dinner with nemo. hehe. he's my bro, lionel's frien. got to knw him like 2 yrs back. was tellin me that he kind of like me. almost wanted to hold my hand 2 yrs back when we went out together. i was like DUH!!! nah.... anyway he's a india i think, or a mix. dun remember le. hehe... meetin him b4 he's goin into army. den on thu meeting huiting, my NP classmate, my shoppin kaki to go shopping and clubbin. hehe... i promise raymond not to club for 1 mth. n that was said on the 15 mar. 14 april will be the end of the 1 mth. juz nice. hehe... so most pro will be shoppin, watchin movie n clubbin that nite. den fri slack. sat wrk and i believe mahjong session again. after that will be waiting for payday le.. hehe... juz cant help it but keep smiling at myself. hehe... life is still filled with activities n life still goes on nicely. like this kind of arrangement. hehe... seriously i juz cant help it but feel happy n excited. oh ya talking abt excitment. i believe in another like 2 or 3 wks time will be meetin suwen for a KTV session again. hehe... (m i right, suwen?) hehe.... oh dear. i cant help it but i'm seriously waiting for it lo.... hehe.... ok will see u guys very soon.if i've nth to do again tml. u'll see me up here again. hehe... tkc n hav an early nite rest..... hehe.... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 10:20 AM |
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ARGH.................. i think i'm juz torturing myself only lo.... i knw its impossible but i juz chose not to believe n now i'm suffering. i knw wat will happen, wat the outcome will be like but still i chose to carry on with it. seriously i think i'm damn stupid when it comes to relationship lo... haha... i knw that its impossible between me n him but yet i chose to ignore the reality place infront of me, n continue to lead myself into believin that mayb one day. juz one day that we will get back together. wat a stupid fool!!! he's juz out to hav fun. i knw that. but i tot he'll change. but i was wrong. haha.... haha haha haha haha...... i'm naught but juz a 3rd party, tts all.... i hate it. hate myself for being so. was chatting with jess last nite. was kind of havin the same fate as her but at least she has manage to find someone whom she knws she can entrust her life with, her affair is her true love but she knws they can never be together.n yet she dun mind. i dun thin i can accept that. n i truely ask myself is he the one tat i really love. actually i dun think so. when u love someone u wont compare him with any others cos he's the best of the best. no one will be able to compare with him. but to me i'll still tend to compare him with others. haha..... mayb the feelin i'm havin now its bcos i'm single for quite sometime le ba. so wil juz pound onto anyone that i can find. haha... but after last nite, n a good nite slp, n some reminders, i think i shall sow celibacy. haha.... no la. juz joking. how can i sow celibacy, when i'm not so pure n innocent anymore. haha.... but mayb juz stay single ba... kind of lost trust in MAN le... hehe... haha... Michelle, can i stay by ur side n dun get attach at all??? hehe.... dun wana get involve with anyone anymore. very very very tired le. everyone is askin me to hav fun now, to play ard. but seriously i dun i can anymore. i use to do that, but m very very very sick n tired of it le... wats the pt of playin ard? at the end of the day wat will i get? nth. except mayb the pleasure at that pt of time n some satisfaction n some company. thats all. its something that i dun wan lo. no pt. seriously see no pt to it. hai.... 1st time in my life i'm so disappointed in relationship. haha..... but its a good thing. at least i manage to wake myself up now.... at least i manage to see things in a clearer view n able to accept the fact le. no longer tryin to lie to myself... MICHELLE, WEN.... i wan to go kbox...... i wan to sing till i drop. i wan to shop till i drop. i wan to dance till i drop. how i wish i can drink n smoke till i drop as well.. hehe... but i cannot drink n smoke le. i promise too many ppl to quit le. n i've done it. cannot go back to it anymore. otherwise i think michelle will seriously take a knife n run after me.... hehe... hor? michelle??? hehe..... seriously after ur exam, hav to accompany me to go clubbin k? i got a party on the 29th april. i muz go wan. go with me can. den we leave early. cos if i dun hav a frien to go with me i'll sure hav to stay till all of my clubbin friends leave lo. which is sth that i dun wan. mayb we go till like 2 den we go sing kbox till 6... haha.... can can??? hehe.... let me knw k? hehe...... dun leave me now k? u guys are my pillar of strength now. jess was sayin that if i continue like this i may go into depression once more. i dun wan that to happen. haha... den who knws mayb a mth frm now u guys are not celebrating my bday but in fact goin to my funeral.... so guys i need u to stand by my side. accompany more if possible. wana go shopping. hai... god, when will those damn exams come to end? so they can be release earlier? hai...... ARGH..... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 9:16 AM |
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hai... kind of feelin weird. its like i duno if i shld feel happy or feel sad. haha... i think i feel more happy ba. (n i think michelle n jess is goin to kill me) haha... ok. Ben is back into my life again. hehe.. somehow we're together as in frien n couple. but not consider together. i duno if u understand wat i mean. u guys knw the history of us. n i knw u guys strongly discourage me n him together. but somehow the attraction is still there. its something that can never change. i think i've leave it as it is le. the feelin is still there. its like the feelin between me n him is very neutral. its something like the feelin that i've with mich. its like we can dun meet up for very long n yet we can still b very good friends. but of cos there's more den that. i mean between me n him. last sat i juz watch a movie. its a very old show. its a story abt this couple. they are both married to diff ppl. and they somehow hav an affair together. in the end the ger got pregnant with the guys child. after that they didnt come in contact cos the guy migrated to canada with his wife. 10 yrs ltr they met up again. and they got another affair. n the ger is on the verge on getting a divorce. but the guy help to salvage her marriage. in the end he somehow regretted. den he left. after another 10 yrs or so. when they are old. they got back together again. n this time manage to marry one another. its like they are suited for one another. but they juz didnt do anything abt it. in fact they juz let things happen to them. n they waited till so long den they finally manage to get together. its like this movie somehow reflected my relationship with ben. i dun wan it to be like this. i'm really afraid that it'll be like this lo. hai... luckily i'm not attach now. otherwise i think i'm goin to kill myself. den that nite whereby we met up, we really enjoy ourselves lo. really did. n somehow i feel very safe with him ard. he's able to protect frm me everything but himself. this is something i realise thruout the yrs we got together n den seperate. its being like 5 yrs le. hai.... i seriously duno wat to do lo. think i gona ask him abt it. see wats his opinion. guess wat! that nite when we met up, we can hug n talk abt his gf lo. haha... talkin abt how his gf control him n how he dislike it, n there's a possibility of them breakin up. haha... its like somehow i'm his frien, n yet something more den that. but at the same time we're talkin abt his gf. weird hor. haha.... well thats life ba! haha.... argh.... somehow i feel damn bad lo. its like i'm a third party like that lo. but den again its like i've kwn him for like years lo. haii... duno whether i shld laugh or shld i cry lo.... hai..... argh..... can kill me.... hehe....... hai...... i seriously dun wan this to happen. twice, i was able to convince myself that ben has left my life, n its true. twice was when i was with terrence n panda. but unfortunately none last. those that i dun think can make me forget ben are those who actually manage to stay by my side. but yet i didnt treasure them. haha... sometimes life is juz so contradicting. duno whether shld i scold myself stupid or being damn ignorant. i think stupid will be a better word. or mayb i'm juz ill-fated. but those who really love me, n yet i didnt treasure somehow still waiting for me. askin me for a second change. but i seriously dun think i shld hurt them again. cos i knw if one day ben were to ask me to go back to his side, i think i'll. so far no one has sure great power over me lo. except a couple of ppl. n he's one of them. somehow i feel that its a good thing. cos finally someone is able to tame me but yet again its not a good thing. cos he's able to hurt me again n again. he juz hav the power to if he knws how to use it. hai..... y isit that god has given me so many things? but not someone whom i love n he to me to truely stay by my side till the end of time. haha... i once said this to someone. my heart is big enough to love alot of ppl, cos there're always diff type of love. in relationship love, there're also alot of types. the one that really affects me n able to make me sacrifice is a very big n strong portion. n so far 3 has went in. n 2 has left. only one has kept comin in n goin off. is there anyway to lock him in or out. either one. den if were to lock him out is there anyway to lock someone else in. cos this portion can never be left empty. if it is. i think i'll juz go insane. oh god!!! pls help me!!!! |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 5:14 PM |