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had a boring week. not really a borin wk but juz feel bored. duno how to explain it. had activities every day. mon was out with pieter n louis. tue was wking, wed out with leonard, thu wk, fri dbl o n devils. den slpt the whole of sat. i'm feelin very lonely now. juz wan someone to pat my head, hold my hand n hug me to slp. thats wat i wan. i dun need to feel the love or wat. i dun need the person to love me but at least let me feel that i'm not alone, that's all. really hate this kind of feeling. the lonely feeling. there was a period of time whereby i wanted to b left alone. but in the end i ended up gettin involved in a relationship. now i wan a relationship i ended feelin so lonely. wat the hell!!! thinkin back, i feel so foolish but i never regretted it. Now i feel so lonely, cant help it but keep looking for ppl to accompany me. at times i juz feel so upset. lookin ard, everyone seems to b so happy. always with their beloved one. n i'm like the only one left single. haha... sound so pathetic. hai.... although watever happen between us are history. but i believe all this while both of us knw that all along u're the only one that i wan...... wonder if i'm juz assumin that u knw it or is it really true? |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 12:36 AM |
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back frm wrk. had a very tiring but fun wkend. FRI after wrk i went home to change den went to dbl o get the stamp den to xchange to get my pay n to meet Don. n guess wat? i saw edward. my blossom frien. the last time i met him was like 2 mths ago. really miss him like mad. haha... anyway dun really like to go over there when i'm not wrking. its like i'm there as a customer but i'll always ended up like a waitress. n the worst thing is when all the regulars knw that i'm not wrking they will make sure that i drink with them. hai... so drank quite alot there. den after that i went over to dbl o to join my bro. got to knw 3 cute guys. one of them is an air steward, Leonard. he's damn cute. actually all of them are very cute. the other one is a commando, Han wei. n the last one, Roger. haha... Roger is the cutest of all.. he's tall, dance damn well and the best thing is, he has 2 diamond ear rings on his left ear. wow!! really a very attractive guy. den micheal n wesley came over to look for me. micheal came alone den we dance together. but after awhile i juz left him there alone. y m i sure a devil? haha... but i juz dun care. i'm there to enjoy myself not to look after ppl wats more i'm not obliged to dance with him the whole nite lo. den next i saw wesley. he was with his friends. oh ya! n he is with a broken arm. wat a poor boy! but in the end we still manage to dance n even went to devils after that. went to devils with han wei n wesley n his frien. once again i'm the only gal. hai... den at devils, the same ting happened. i was being sandwich by the 2 of them. but its ok la. kind of used to it. but it was really fun. so ok la. SAT only manage to reach home at abt 6 in the mornin. so i overslpt n was late for 2 hrs for wk. its my 1st day of wrk n i was late. i feel damn guilty. tot it will b kind of hard to deal with the customers but its actually not so. had fun. left wrk at abt 7, was supposed to meet Don for dinner n movie. but both of us are too tired, so we ended up goin home. intended to stay at home to b a good ger that nite. but ended up at Dempsy road drinking red wine with leonard n his friend, Adrian. had a bottle of red wine n a plate of sauages. after that he sent me over to o bar. was supposed to join me but he has a flight the next morning so he has no choice but to go home n rest. den i met Lee n Han wei outside o bar. den we went in. after that han wei went to hav supper with his friend. den i was stuck with Lee. i think he was damn high le cos he came over frm desire n the way he speaks sound very different. i felt damn uncomfortable so wasnt really able to strike a conversation with him. finally han wei came back, n we went up to play pool after that we went down to o bar n had 2 volcano, 2 tequila pop, 2 tequila net n 1 whisky shot. was damn high man. really damn high. oh ya! forgotten to mention that nite was Panda's bday celebration tt's y i was out to join leonard for a drink 1st den went over to o bar. didnt want to go there alone. somehow i feel that i wont really b able to click with the grp so that is y i ask my friens to go along. anyway after that i met eddison. the guy whom i got to knw when i was at obar with panda in the past. he's really a nice guy. took care of me. when i told him i was high he came over to look for me immediately juz to make sure that i'm alright, den i wanted to puke, but nth comes out so i wanted another drink n he insisted on plain water instead. almost wanted to f*ck him upside down at that pt of time. knw that he's being nice but i juz wan to puke. so i need to drink. but in the end he got me a drink. but still i didnt manage to puke. den he left le. he need to send his friends home. after that i need to get home so han wei send me home. once i reach home i slpt all the way man... hai... then bcos i reach home at abt 5 i woke up at 10 was supposed to b able to b in time for wrk but in the end i was still late for my wrk. was late for an hr. m actually comtemplatin if i shld wrk on wkends cos i wan to club on wkends so i'll definitely not b able to wake up in the morning n i cant always b late. its not nice. its destroying the company's image. i wont wan to do that. i dun mind destroyin my own reputation cos i knw i wont b in this line for long. but it will cause damange to the company's reputation. so really need to consider all the factors le. hai..... y m i so playful??? if i were to b more tame den mayb this wont happen. haha... i wont b late for wrk le. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 8:42 PM |
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oh my! i'm so in loved with my colleague, Rafeah. she's my mentor as well as a good buddy. got to joke with her throughout the whole afternoon. planned an itinerary for saudi minister n his 4 officials. kind of feel proud of it. 1st time planning an itinerary myself. haha... its so interesting. but somehow was kind of irritated by myself. i duno wat is wrong with me, dun understand which part of my brain is not right. its like i juz cant seem to really forcus on everything i do these few days. i juz cant seem to get him out of my mind. WHY? when this happens i'll call or msg louis. n he says that its normal. juz focus on other things else, do something or think abt sth else. well! i am. i tried to keep myself busy. think of other things. but still i cant get it off. i cant seem to shack it off. i love the way my life is now. but somehow i'll still indulge myself into the fantasy that i create. sometimes somehow i juz wish that this will happen, that will happen. but in reality i knw that it wont. n it never will happen. somehow i missed the past. the times whereby i enjoy myself. there're juz some things in life that we can never forget. to the extend we may even bring all this memories to grave. memories are the most precious thing in life. muz treasure it. but i believe at that moment, u shld treasure the present even more. cos once the present bcomes the past, u cant never get it back, can never chase it back. lots of memories are being kept within me now. there're times when i juz think back everythin seems so real. n when that happens i'll tend to fantasize, what if i were to react differently. will the ending change? will the memories b different? will it b better or worst? i'm so curious. juz wish that i'm given a 2nd chance to live this life again. den mayb my fantasy will come true. come to think of it, if i'm really given a 2nd chance, i'll not wan to live this life again. i may even wish that this life never ever exist. somehow 1st time i start to envy that sister that never existed. this sister of mine, was a miscarriage. she never ever get to see this world, to live her life. somhow i wish that i was her. hai... juz so confussed. wonder y there're times whereby i'm so optimistic abt my life yet there're times whereby i'm so pessimistic... kind of moody n tempremental. wish that i wasnt that emotional. i used to very good at handling my emotions, but not anymore. i tend to let emotions control over me. this is not good. my determination is slacking. hav to wake it up. so that i'll b determine again. otherwise it will b hard to survive in this world man.... anyways, was given a free O2 mini black(limited edition) to use. thats for the wkend job. tryin to get used to it. but its kind of tough. wats more its not that user friendly. hai.... so trying very hard to get used to it. BORED!!! really boring. juz dun understand y... but i'm juz bored. boring day, boring life! |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 9:09 PM |
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oh dear, its 3.15 am in the morning. n i juz got home. juz ended wk. was in a mess tdy. wonder m i lucky or wat??? imagine this. i'm wking at xchange tdy. n its like i've 4 male customers telling me that they are interested in me. and asked me if they can woo me... den in the afternoon i had lunch with another male friend, pieter, he's a quarter dutch, a very cute gentleman. had marche together, well, at least he made an effort to come to look for me n treat me to lunch. n there's like another guy who's after me asked me to meet him. its like in total there are 5 guys after me. (for those that i'm aware of) its like HUH??? how come all of a sudden they tell me this. they knw me for a couple of mths n they were after me that time. but they back out when they knew that i had a bf. now they knw that i'm single. they are back. the funny thing was i didnt tell any of them that i'm wkin tdy. n all of them came in together. there's Nick, Jackson, Law, Tony n Simon. oh my god... is this a gift or is it a disaster???? how m i supposed to handle them all at the same time. anyway i still managed it in the end. thanx god. n den arthur came to send me home. that's another one. hai... i think i'm goin crazy. when there's non. there's really non. but once there's someone, everyone seems to come into the pic. oh ya! forgot to mention there's still kennth n nicholas. oh dear. i think i'm goin crazy. MAN!!! hai... but sadly to say i'm still not ready to accept any of them as yet. but kind of like this feeling. at least i knw that i'm still wanted. not really being abandon. haha... need to catch some slp. tml will b a long day. having training after wk. den thur nick date me out to hav dinner at hilton. hai.... i think he's jk. dun really think he's serious abt it. anyway lets see how it goes. good nite n hopefully i'll b able to wake up in the morning. God Bless me! :p |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 3:14 AM |
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its a sunday. got to slack at home. had 2 days of fun n excitment. goin to get back to wk again. FRI meet up with louis n his friends for dinner at subway den went to balaclava at suntec. was a cool place, the only thing that i dislike abt the place was its kind of pack. too pack for a pub. stay there for abt 2 hrs. saw a couple of cute guys. drank abit, managed to pyscho louis n his frien to go down dbl o with me. but in the end they ended up at mdn wong n i'm at dbl o with my bro n his gang. saw him there again. wat an unfortunate conincident! anyway had fun at dbl o. n that nite den i really realised how doting my bro n louis are. i was broke. so my bro offer to pay the cover charge for me even when he's broke too. initially i wanted to go home cos i'm damn broke n due to some other issues as well. but my bro persuaded me to go down. louis n gang wanted to go somewhere to drink but i didnt wan to. so in the end he persuaded his friends to go dwn as well. but bcos of the long queue they make their way to mdm wong instead. we had fun all the way till abt 2 den i went to mdm wong to look for louis. i wanted to play pool. n the only place to play pool at that time was to go into dbl o. in order to play pool with me. louis n tc(one of louis's frien) actually pay cover charge to get in for juz an hr. n in there they paid for the pool as well. the pool is damn ex over there. its 13 bucks for an hr. wat the hell? but i juz dun care. haha... i juz wana play pool. thats it. i mean louis really go all the way out to make me happy. n try his best to do wat he can. i'm really touch. but sadly to say. he dun like me more den juz a buddy. haha.... * m i right louis???* haha... somehow i think god is being fair. he took someone away frm me, he gave me more than wat i need now. thanx god. oh ya, forgot abt my bro. haha... recalling of wat happen that nite. makes me wan to laugh. haha... cos remember i say that i saw panda rite. den i stopped to say hello to him. den my bro saw it. so he asked me who's that guy den i told him that he's my ex. den my bro went over to take a closer look. when he came back, he said this to me, ' sis, when did ur taste turned for the worst? all along u've a very high taste in man. wat happen to u?' den i juz gav him a ??? look. den he said this, ' after wat he has done to you, juz now i feel like ... .... ... (sensored).' at that pt of time i cant help it but kept laughin non stop. den i reply my bro, saying, no pt doin that. its over already. y bother abt him. we're out to enjoy. not here to look for trouble. anyway to me now he's juz a normal frien. haha.... den after that my bro told me that he's gona introduced a damn cute guy to me. but he'll b damn late. so i say ok fine, i'll wait but i wana play pool. he's not interested so i went to look for louis. thats how i ended up with louis n his frieinds all the way till dbl o close. out of dbl o i was smokin n chatin with louis's friends, i saw this cute guy seated at the railings, he smiled at me so i smiled back. next moment i saw my bro den he pointed that cute guy to me n said that that's the guy he wanted to intro to me. i was amazed. lady luck is back to mama... haha... my bro intro us to one another but i kind of forgotten his name. haha... doesnt matter will get to see him again. no worries abt that. haha... after that was with louis. went with him to look for his car at the car park. walked ard the whole carpack for like 4 times. my leg hurts but no choice. i cant possibly leave him alone. so hav to 'ren' even i dun like it. haha... in the end only managed to reach home at abt 5am. its kind of fun. oh ya forgot to mention this. that nite i think i m the only ger mixing with 2 bunch of guys. 1 bunch was louis grp. the other was my bro's grp. i feel so honored. haha.... SAT went to look for louis at paragon. bought him some food. thinks that he will need it to keep him awake. den went to wk. was steven's( one of the regular) bday. he was so drunk that he went up to the pool table half naked to dance. haha... drank quite a bit, got to knw a couple of customers. den went devils. at devils, i saw eddie, n he took a jug of beer for me to drink. he's crazy. forgot to intro eddie. he's my business manager at my previous company. quite an intelligent guy but cunning, n damn good at sweet talking. after that i met kennth n drank abt a jug of beer duno mix with wat. really drank abit too much. not to forget dylene's table, the grp of ppl i went with. they hav martel with them. n within mins i drank abt 4 cups straight. was quite high last nite. i'm like drinking non stop. too avoid them i went to the dance floor n dance myself. i'm not interested in dancing with any guys there except with one who's exceptionally good at dancing. but he's taken. hai... den the rest who wanted to dance with me try to get close to me. but i ignored them. dun they understand the meaning of fuck off. n they even tried to touch my leg n hold me. wat the fuck? not interested means not interested. juz fuck off. if i'm interested i'll dance with u without u coming over at all. hai... GUYS! but somehow i did enjoy myself. somehow thinkin back i dun think my life is that boring. especially with my current grp of hang out. i think in fact life is better. at least everything are more organise. we planned things n dun really wait till last min. i mean we do that sometimes but not all the time. so at least we will b able to make time for one another. kind of love it. for now at least i think god is being kind to me. THANK YOU!!! |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 12:37 PM |
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juz came back frm a smoking session with louis again. hav bein meetin him practically everyday. haha.... kind of like him... but too bad we can only b buddies. haha... slpt the whole day tdy. didnt even bother to go for work. slpt for 12 hrs straight. all thanx to louis. supposed to b home by abt 2 odd but the mahjong session juz keep draggin on, all the way till abt 5am in the morning. feel fortunate for louis, cos if it didnt drag on, i think louis will b screaming for help! haha... without the last round i think louis would hav lost nearing to $200 ba. poor guy.... being feeling quite depressed tdy. after slpin the whole day, i was supposed to be in a better mood. but it doesnt seems so. duno wat the hell is wrong with me man... everything juz seems to bore me. nothing interest me at all. oh dear!!! think i'm goin into depression again. kind of hate this life. but there're times whereby i juz love it. dun really knw how to explain it. hai... love myself but yet hate it as well. haha... haha... i seriously duno wat the hell is wrong. but juz feel kind of weird. i wan to be loved, n taken care of. so tired of taking care of myself. i wan a boyfriend. haha.... sound so desperate. haha... i knw i can hav one now. but i juz cant seem to allow myself to hav one. i wan it but i cant allow myself to have it. sound so stupid. dun even knw wat i wan n wat i wan to do. louis says that its like this. there're times whereby we will juz feel the need of havin another party. its easy to like someone but its not easy to start a relationship. its true. really true. liking someone is so easy. but not starting a relationship. y bother to start a relationship when u dun see a good ending to it. hai.... life still goes on. finally tml is fri. its clubbin time. wonder where will i ended up again... hehe... everything is like a routine to me now. love it but yet hate it. aiya.... everything to me now is so contradictin. n i cant even control my own damn mind. dun even knw wat i'm thinking. feel like killin myself. can someone pls take a knief n stab me. it's being 4 days but till now there's still no one who's willin to step forward to stab me. DAMN.... 'where are all ur guts????' CORWARDS... haha... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 12:20 AM |
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fuck... i hate myself to the core... can someone juz kill me!!! take a knife n stab me. stab me in the heart. dun leave any mercy... oh god!!! PLEASE!!! pls let me die!!! oh pls.... i duno wat the hell i'm doin. ever being in a situation whereby u know wats right n wats wrong, u're very aware of wat's goin on. but u juz cant refrain urself from doin the wrong thing whereby u shld b doin the right thing. its like conciously u're very aware. but u juz cant help it. n subconciously u'll blame urself for being so weak, for not being able to control urself. this is how i'm feeling right now. think i'm getting to be more like a work machine le. haha... doin nth except wking. this week is still ok, at least i manage to hav my week end off. next wk my schedule will b so packed that i'll hav to work practically 24/7. haha... not really in need of money. but by lookin at the amt of working hrs that i've. i seem to b in need of money. haha.. no harm wkin more, n having more money on hand. juz want to work my life away till the day i collapse. cos i believe that it will den b the only time whereby i'll truely b able to rest. haha... crazy rite? this is juz so me. hai... another boring day. cant wait for fri. wana go clubbin with bro. its always so excitin to go out with him. never ever worried abt money, drinks n transport. even at times when i'm bein bullied he will stand up for me. totally no worries at all. n the best thing is that we enjoy each other's company. used to envy others, but now i dun hav to anymore. haha... love you bro. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 12:44 PM |
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juz manage to get home safely. was being stalked by a indian. managed to scare the hell out of me although its only a 5 min incident. but somehow at that point of time it seems to be like eternity. this was wat happened. when i was abt to enter the lift, this guy who was behind me all along, enter the lift with me as well. initially i tot he was one of the neighbours that i dun really knw at all, so i kept quiet n continue to enjoy my sausage, the one that i bought at shop n safe. den he says this ' you're very pretty', 'u're very sexy'. n i juz ignored him. the thing that freak me out was when he asked me this ' are u wearing a g-string?' n ' are u wearing a black bra?' wat the hell? he's such a prevert. anyway he's suppose to get off at level 10, so i exit the lift 1st. but after i exit the lift, he didnt go up to level 10. in fact he poke his head out to see where m i goin. i didnt really bother. till when i was abt to reach my unit den i saw him. he's at the corridoor, juz behind me. i started to panick...... i duno wat to do but i knw that i cant open my door. so i waited for him to walk passed me but he didnt go anywhere further so i started to call louis. n we chatted for awhile. unknowingly i walk to my neighbours place n stood outside. den all of a sudden he walk passed me again. i was really scared. this is real life. no longer a dream that i used to hav. so i started to call out to my neighbour n tell her wat happen. she let me in into her hse n i sat there for abt 15 mins b4 i go home. to me its kind of scary. imagine in the past when wan hua told us (mic, ms, wen n me) abt her being stalked. we sat there n make a hell lot of fun out of it. but when it really happens, the feelin is undescrible. ever since the dream that i had. abt 2 indians that almost rape me. i've never experience such fear in my whole life. compared to the dream, this seems to be much more frightenin, more realistic. in the past i always think that i'm very capable of taking care of myself, as in protecting myself. but after wat happen juz now. somehow i begin to doubt myself. wat if i didnt take notice of that guy. n while i was opening the door, he forced his way in. wat m i suppose to do? i dun think i'll b strong enough to fight him. haha... come to think of it. somehow i'm quite or rather i would say i'm very vulnerable. not only me. i believe all women are vulnerable. all of a sudden juz wish that someone will b by my side. someone whereby i'll call n tell him/her that i need their presence to b there. n that they will b able to rush down. i knw that i've friends like this. but i juz cant seem to open my damn mouth to say that i need them. haha... not easy for me to open my golden mouth, ya? but if i were to open my golden mouth, den this person muz meant alot to me. haha... dun think there're many of them. but at least there're afew. let me count. so far there's only 2 ba. ok enough of all this. lets talk abt sth else. i got my results this morning. kind of feeling happy n sad at the same time. happy bcos i passed all my papers which i was kind of surprised. didnt really study n so many things hav happened n yet i still managed to pass. didnt really do well but at least i passed. the sad thing is, i'll hav to wk. i cant go back to np to study anymore. so it'll b damn borin. practically everyday i'm there i'll fall aslp. regardless of whether did i've a good nite rest anot. this is how boring it can b. hai...... come to think of it, if i were to study n put in juz a little bit of effort i think i'l do pretty well. haha... but a leaopard cant change its spots. i'm who i'm. hahaha.... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 7:48 PM |
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SAT finally i had a good slp. slpt 10 hrs straight. 1st time in the week i managed to slp so well. m so greatful. after long hrs of wking. i finally managed to enjoy myself for one nite. went for dinner with louis. den to momo with 6 guys last nite. haha... m the only ger. feel kind of weird. but its ok la. den went to DXO to look for cheyanne cos she's holding her bday celebration there. went to say hello n left. back at momo, the singer at the live room was so cute n horny. talkin abt all the sex stuff. its kind of weird but the audience juz love it. i think they hav to do it juz to win the audience over. biz is always like this. the happier they are the more they will spend. anyway stay till 240am den went to devils to join my bro. wasnt really in a good mood last nite so was showing attitude to practically everyone. haha... duno wats happening to me. juz gets irritated very easily. at devils someone trys to make my bro drunk so in the end i went to drink with that guy n win myself a bottle of j/b under my name. haha... without even knwin wats the guy name. wat a good bargain. haha... 1st time i've a bottle under my name, alone. without sharing with anyone at all. the feelin is quite good. anyway he still owes me a bottle of martel. so hopefully i'll get to meet him at devils again. i want my bottle of martel. haha... SUN wanted to b a good girl last nite. but Nick put me in a very difficult spot. hav no choice but to join him to go clubbin. initially wanted to go momo but its so packed that we changed to devils in the end. went there to take my balance. den Nick sign up for the membership n got 2 bottles. its all my doings. haha... i wanted to leave for home but he wanted me to stay so i say if he wants me to stay he has to open bottle. so thats how he started to get interested in the opening of bottle that ended up signing up for the member ship. 2 days in a row clubbing, i didnt spend a single cent. how amazing? especially when i got free drinks, free bottle, free entrance n free transport. didnt really spend much. the only thing that i spend on are my room decos n on some well being stuffs. spend a total of 200 within 2 days again. hai... wat the hell... sometimes i really wonder where all my money comes from. haha... muz really learn to stop spending so much, n cut down on the amt of drinkin i've. not only that i'll hav to cut down on the no of times of clubbing. is either i club or i will b wking at nite. this nite life thingi really muz stop. otherwise in a couple of mths time i'll look twice my age. that will be horrible. i wont like that neither will i want it. haha... so is either i cut it down or i'll hav to start doin things to take care of my face le. haha... |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 3:29 PM |