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Hopes -- Dash!!! |
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I'm in a pathetic situation now. I'm losing someone that i've being tryin to keep with me for the past 5 yrs. But now i chose to let it go. Or rather, i'm forcing it our of my life. I think it is totally pointless for me to continue on with all the torture that i'm putting myself in. I felt so used, so worn out. I'm so tired, so sick. I juz wana get out. ok, i believe u guys are guessin who i'm talkin abt. Well! Its about Lee Kok Hong. Yes! Him again. My very 1st boyfriend. Till now we are still in contact. Opps, sorry as in 1hr ago we still kept in contact. But no longer will we keep in contact anymore. I've just send him a last msg to ask him to stop contacting me until he finally decided that he wants to come back to m. If not he can just jolly well disappear from my life. I'm just so sick and tired being his spare tire. I knw that we are both emotionally attached to each other. Yet, he wants to keep a distance from me. I seriously dont what he wants. He's being building that damn defence wall up whenever i try to get near him. And for 5 freakin years i've being trying to pull that wall down. I'm seriously tired of doin that. I just dont knw y he has the power to control me so much. He does not hav the looks, neither does he have the money. But i juz got so connected to him. well, from wat i heard, all his other ex-gfs feel the same way. So i'm no different from them. I hate it when i'm no different from them. Then if that is the case, then he can just go back to them n leave me alone. Well... I've stated very clearing what i want and expect from him. If he cant give it to me. Then he can just jolly well disappear from my life. I believe I can still live without him. Anyway i've deleted away all his number. So i've no way to contact him at all. I will just wait. If it never comes then i will just continue with me life. Well! i'm the strong mitchell that everyone knws of. I believe i can survive it through. So no pro man... Once again, I will survive as a victor. |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 11:35 PM |
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My Resurrection |
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Ok. Before i start. i knw i've not being updating my blog for very long. but den again, who really reads my blog??? mayb one or two of my friends?? hehe.. well. anyway a big thank you for those who are so concern about me. I realise that takin a apple a day in the morning really brightens up my day. So guys do try it out ya. Anyway here are some of the updates that have happen to me recently. Before that i will make some announcements. 1stly: I've change my job from the events company to Standard Chartered bank at plaza by the park opp SMU on a 3 months contract den if i'm good enough will switch to perm. Well. this switch of job was bcos that event company sucks to the core. treating all the employees like dirt. no wonder the turn over rate forever so high. 2ndly: I'm single now. We broke up on a mutual agreement 2 wks back. I think it's a good break up. He dotes me to the core. but still i cannot accept a guy who wans to cling on me like i'm his survival float. I'm not that. and i'm still so young. there are so many things that i wan to do, For me to do. I dont wan to be held back juz bcos he's my bf. If he's mature enough he will let me roam n explore. But not keep giving me the burdens that i loath. The insecurities, the doubts, the questioning, these are all the things that i cannot handle. Trust me, he's the one that dotes me like hell. But i'm like a bird. Cannot be lock up. I need my freedom! Anyway we have broke up. So that's the past. I juz wana wish him all the best and do take care of himself. Thanks for everything that you have given me during this period of time. Bye Alex. These are the 2 announcements that i wana made. Ok Updates. Well, being busy like mad reacently. Last wk: had my diving theory classes and test. And meet up with my issurance agent to talk abt my policies. Den on fri nite went to KL with Sherman, someone whom i'm initimate with but not involved(dun get me wrong, he's not the cause of my break up with Alex. cos i only knw him after we broke off) till sun nite. Eat like mad, another guy who's f*cking rich and really dotes me. Throughout the whole trip i spent RM450 only. And i brought back a ladies style levis jeans with lots of diamond studs. So *blink blink* my favourite. Guess wat! this pair of jeans cost abt $200 in singapore i only got it like $166 in Malaysia. Wa lau. I save like hell. den not only that, i got my sun glasses as well. in the end i only pay for all these. My whole trip, like the transport, accommodation and food are all provided for lo. wahaha..... save like mad. Thats all for last wk. For this wk, last nite went for movie and sushi dinner with Xlg. Den tonite goin for my Course orientation den wed n thu goin for diving practical which will end at abt 10 den after that i need to meet up with my bro cos he's leaving for NY permanently on mon. so die die also have to meet. Fri - Sun will be away for my diving trip n test. So this is how i will be spending my whole week. no rest again. Next wk, i will need to meet up with Da jie from SA for coffee and i promise to meet up with nick for coffee also to ask abt real estate thing. Wana get my license, so he's the only agent i knw. will need him to guide me. so 2 nights down. den fri nite cfm goin to dbl o. another nite dwn. den there will be another nite that i will need to meet sherman. so all in all 4 nites dwn. oh ya, i need to mate my dog, fluffy up with a bitch. He's suffering like mad lo. haiyo... that will take one wkend off. shit i'm left with only 2 days to rest. ARGH!!! hai... Den i will need to attend classes end of the mth and submit my 1st proposal. hai... Oct sure hell is a busy mth. Anyway here are some plans that i will workin on. Will be goin to taiwan end of the yr for tour leading. Get to see the scenary and get to enjoy myself also. hehe.. hopefully the clients not that demanding. some goals that i plan to achieve. b4 my 22nd bday, i wana get my diving license which i'm workin on now. and of cos not to forget my driving license which will get it in feb. when i turn 22, i wana get my credit card, sky diving license, my degree and real estate license. 23/24: get a car 25: start my own biz. get married on the 12/12/2012 if possible den retired when i turned 40. wahaha.... well. its all a goal, a dream. but i realise something, dreamin and wishing for ur own desires are easy. but takin the 1st step to achieve it is very tough, the process of gettin it is even tougher. so it all depends on ur determination. Well. an example, wanted to get my diving liscence since sec sch days. but didnt make an effort. keep saying only. Now when i'm workin towards it, it may tough but knwing that i'm goin to achieve it, the sense of satisfaction is unspeakable. So, from now on, i will try my best in doing everythin even when it comes to studies which i hate most. No matter how lazy i'm. I must learn not to be lazy anymore. otherwise i will never ever be sucessful. Well!!! tts all for now. Will take quite awhile for the next update. cos at SCB, my current workplace, they have too many firewalls le. juz lucky that i manage to get in. try like hell for the past 2 wks. keep kana rejected. hai... anyway chaoz. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alex, Thanx for everything. You are a fantastic guy. N no doubt u'll be the bf that dotes me the most. U will forever be in my heart somewhere. Apologise for the hurts that i've inflicted it on you. I didnt mean it but at times of anger, i will tend to be mean. I believe you are aware of that. Please do forgive me. Anyway juz wana wish you all the best and may all your dreams come true. Michelle, Remember my dream and plans for the biz? U die die also have to remember cos i'll haunt you end of next yr when both of us graduate. Need to do planning for it le. Like i mention, i wana start the biz when we turn 25. That left us with only 4 yrs for now. and 3 yrs for next yr. so i believe 3 yrs i enough for us to do research and save up. I knw wat u're thinkin. but i dun care. we are goin to do this TOGETHER!!!! wahaha.... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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MiCh3Ll M. [L]eft``To The Path Of HeR Dreams`` | 9:31 AM |